Just a few days after my last post here my wife and I discovered that her cancer had advanced past the point where the medical types thought they had a chance of a successful treatment outcome. One of the physicians told us that she thought that at this stage any attempt to arrest the cancer would likely result in a faster and more painful demise than if it were just left to take its course. And my wife agreed that she wasn’t going to fight it any further.
I haven’t posted anything in the meantime, but as the matter has progressed I thought I should take a moment to report.
With the help of Providence Hospice Services my sweetheart has been able to deal with the inevitable health decline and the increasing pain. There is still much to expect along that line, unfortunately.
She had a rather rough night last night and I stayed home for part of the morning in order to consult with the hospice nurse who visited us then. The nurse advised her to increase the dosage of painkiller, as it does her little good to put up with it, there being no glory in enduring pain if you can avoid at least some of it.
As for myself, it is getting harder to concentrate on work. For the past three months I could bury myself in coding or problem solving and get some temporary respite from what is happening to my wife. But this is gradually getting harder to do. I shall soldier on, however. How can it be otherwise? It is she who must be brave in the face of the enemy, and deal with what is happening to her – how can I, who am in no pain, be weak and a crybaby when she does not herself yield to the weakness, despite knowing what the outcome will be? If I were back in the Army and were ordered to storm an enemy bunker with only a rifle and a grenade, I know very well that I would have a better chance of survival than she does right now. And who deserves a medal if she does not?
But all is not lost. Because of the love of Christ for mankind there is no string in death, nor will the grave be victorious in the end. And while we must temporarily surrender to the consequences of the fall of Adam, in the end the Lord’s triumph at Gethsemane and Golgotha will prevail!